Have you ever looked at your current life and realized that it won’t be like this forever? It’s the kind of realization that makes you look at the trees you’ve driven by for the past 22 years and, all of a sudden, thinking about not seeing these trees everyday makes you irrationally sentimental and emotional. It’s the kind of realization that causes you to wake up at absurdly early times just to watch a sunrise or just to hang out with your parents before they leave for work because you know you won’t be able to in a few short months. It’s the kind of realization that makes you appreciate every detail of life, wanting to absorb every memory so you can keep it in your pocket for when life isn’t like this anymore.
It’s funny, the first month and a half of this transition into post-grad life was saturated with a sense of stress and rushing to get to the next stage of life. My whole life has been coated with the feeling of urgency for what I’m working toward and to accomplish it as quickly as possible. And, in this process, I’ve learned to believe that if I’m not at my goal, then I absolutely cannot be content or joyful in the “transition” stage I’m in. Wow. What a dissatisfying life.
It was the night before I headed down to LA to meet with supporters when I sat down to have dinner with my parents. What happened during dinner was not the first time that this has occurred. I started talking with mom & dad about how I was doing and the discouragement I felt or the bouts of doubt and uncertainty, and naturally tears started to fall. Like every other time this happened over the past month and a half, my parents encouraged me and prayed over my situation. This time, however, in the midst of feeling distant from God’s voice, I heard Him speak something very specific to my heart.
Tori, this season has absolutely nothing to do with the finances, yet has everything to do with your heart. I am molding you and preparing you for the place you are about to enter, and this time is necessary before you get there. Why not enjoy it while you’re in it?
It was so simple. And so clear. And that is always what God provides; simplicity and clarity. Immediately there was a shift in my heart. I had a peace about the truth that I just heard, and I knew that God was (and still is) making some painful yet necessary incisions into my life to draw me closer to Him.
Once I started to trust in the process that I was going through, I actually began to enjoy fundraising for my mission work. Meeting with supporters became one of the biggest blessings and what I look forward to most. Being able to sit with people, hear about their lives, share what God is doing, and then partner in prayer is a job that I feel spoiled to have.
Being able to trust that God is intricately involved in my life and actually DOING SOMETHING during these weird and unstable months is teaching me a lot (A LOT) about God’s character and my own faith. Because I’ve now let myself enjoy the slow-pace of this time before I leave the country, I’ve realized that I get to relish in being with my family for a couple more months, I get to stare at lush green mountains and an unbelievable blue lake every single day, and I get to actually appreciate living in the United States – a place that means comfort and familiarity.
This is the opposite of what Satan wants me to do. He wants me to stare at the numbers of how much I’ve fundraised and feel inadequate and defeated, feeding me lies that the money will never come in and I’m not doing enough work. He wants me to question and doubt if God actually called me into ministry, especially this one. He wants me to feel like I’m wasting away time and valuable moments that could be spent in my ministry in Stellenbosch since I’m still in the States.
Well, Satan is wrong. (What’s new?)
God wants me to enjoy every season of life; even if the season has battles and is solely spent getting me to the next stage of life. (Remember, God doesn’t promise a life free from opposition, He just provides a way for us to overcome that opposition). Realizing that I can be joyful and actually love this season is exactly how I can overcome and squash the lies that Satan is trying to feed me.
So, what season of life are you in? I can guarantee it has its challenges and hardships. Once I finally do get to my ministry in South Africa DOES NOT mean that the lies and frustrations will stop. It just means I’ll have to keep pressing into the Lord to hear His voice instead of the destructive voice of Satan. Besides, why not look at your surroundings and choose to make it another chapter of your life that you can be grateful for and find joy in? God has given us this life to live joyfully and freely in, regardless of the mountains you face. When you climb up a mountain, there are always trees and flowers and (sometimes) waterfalls that make the trek to the top much more enjoyable, simply if we take the time to see them and appreciate them.
I don’t want to live a miserable life, thinking I have to do x-y-z in order to finally be happy. I’ll be happy exactly where I am, searching for things to appreciate and thanking God for them.
Riding over the most beautiful water with the most beautiful mountains with my favorite Dad
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